CHEERS for Mayor Biff Traber’s post-mayoral plans. As you may have read, Traber will not be seeking reelection, Charles Maughan and Andrew Struthers have both stepped up to say they’d like the job, but what will Traber do come 2023? Turns out our fair Mayor will be taking up a new career in aero-acrobatics. Yes, Biff is planning a daring high wire walk between the Benton County Courthouse and the sheriff’s office! So, if you happen to go to Town Hall and see him standing one foot in front of the other, arms spread wide to hold his balance, no worries – he’s just practicing.
CHEERS AND A WOOT WOOT for the Out of the Darkness Walk and the state’s suicide rate – one is happening soon, the other has gone down [we’ll give y’all a minute to figure out which is which… moving on]… Yes, on Saturday, April 9, the OSU-hosted walk to prevent suicide and bring hope [we’re thinkin’ both are good things] begins at the SEC Plaza at 10:00 a.m. The other suicide news is that Oregon – long thought of as a place where folks wandering around aimlessly then commit suicide – has dropped down the list of most suicidal states [from ninth to thirteenth!] leaving Wyoming and Alaska in spots one and two respectively.
APPLAUSE AND A DRIBBLE for OSU alumnus Lamar Hurd. The NBA announcer and Trustee to OSU will be talking to the graduates this June in the first in-person graduation ceremony since 2019.
In other Trustee news…
TIPPED HEAD AND A HMMMM for the new meetings of the OSU Trustees. Seems next time around [which will be April 7&8] they’ll be talking money. We’re wondering if talking will lead to tuition increases… it’s happening in Eugene [yeah, yeah, hate Eugene, we know].
ADDITIONAL CHEERS for Representative Peter DeFazio – also leaving public service at the end of 2022. A few days ago, DeFazio stepped up for a dead dog [and an almost dead kid] with the goal of no more animals [or almost kids] dying from human-planted sodium cyanide – spurred on by a terrible incident in Idaho. But what will he be doing in the coming years? Word has it DeFazio will be taking up Willamette Valley scuba tours. His new company – DeFazio Sinks – is awaiting negotiations for purchase of the Van Buren Bridge in hopes of moving it downstream. [He was hoping to purchase the Brooklyn Bridge, but didn’t want to leave Oregon.]
PULLING OUT OUR WALLETS to see if we have enough to purchase Terrible Tilly. This lighthouse near Cannon Beach has been an attempted mausoleum for cremains for the last 42 years. Unfortunately, the location never caught on. [although there are 31 sets of ashes there, so not a total bust… jussayin’] The owner, 77-year-old Mimi Morissette, has decided to sell her lighthouse to the next willing keeper…. who also happens to have six-and-a-half million bucks.
APPLAUSE AND A PAT ON THE BACK for Senator Ron Wyden standing up for something right… well, better said for standing up against something wrong. Wyden publicly spoke out concerning the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, who pestered former chief of staff Mark Meadows to stop the 2020 election results. Wyden called for Thomas to recuse himself from any cases surrounding the January 6 Insurrection. [Our press partner Oregon Capital Chronicle wrote more about this here… we suggest you read it]
ANOTHER ADDITIONAL SET OF CHEERS for our soon to be outgoing Governor, Kate Brown – leaving due to term limits. But between pushing for mattress recycling and hosting the Earth Day event at Silver Falls State Park, Brown has been making her plans to move into the treehouse her husband and First Man Dan Little has been building amongst the branches of Corvallis’s very own Mac-Dunn Forest. The house spans 15 treetops and will be large enough to host post-gubernatorial balls. [Little is currently making finishing touches to the “No One With Cooties Allowed” sign to grace the ladder leading to the front door.]
SAY GAY with Governor Brown. In response to the Florida law ubiquitously known as the “Don’t say gay” law, Brown has stepped up to say, “In Oregon, we say gay.” So, let’s say you were to say something to your child’s kindergarten teacher about, say, his and his husband’s photo being up on the family photo wall of the classroom, your child could say that his/her/their teacher is gay, because we live in a safe, communicative, LGBTQ+ accepting state. Ya know what we’re sayin’ here? ‘Cause in this entry, there is no foolin’ around… Happy April 1st, Corvallis!
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