From Bad to Verse: Quorum Sense, Cheerios, Oxymoronica

Baseless Humor 

When I told my DNA joke 

Everyone scoffed 

Probably because 

My thymine was off 

 

Quorum Sense 

I think that it 

Is worth repeating 

When bacteria Zoom 

It’s for a Staph meeting 

 

Sounds Off 

When I lost my audiobook 

My spouse had a fit 

Now I will never 

Hear the end of it 

 

Limerick 

Of Cheerios I must complain 

I do not like their new campaign 

It seems they are cheating 

By saying we’re eating 

A food that is made from hole grain 

 

Oxymoronica 

An oxymoron is, of course 

Contradictory at its source 

So please join me, considering these 

Linguistic atrocities 

 

It’s time to make up your mind 

It really would be prudent 

To be one or the other 

Instead of a GRADUATE STUDENT 

 

You should try to avoid 

The ultimate futility 

Anytime someone refers to 

A DEFINITE POSSIBILITY 

 

And it’s reasonable to wonder 

What to do 

When anybody says 

“ACT NATURALLY” to you 

 

You may not know 

Whether to laugh or cry, honey 

If a movie gets described as 

As “SERIOUSLY FUNNY” 

 

Or it may be called 

Rather commonly 

Something described as a 

TRAGIC COMEDY 

 

If price is a consideration 

You’re sure to wonder what 

Anytime you receive 

An EXACT ESTIMATE 

 

Then there’s a bit of logic 

You must bypass 

Anytime someone talks 

About LIQUID GAS 

 

Please be careful 

Don’t laugh out loud 

Should you hear reference to 

A SMALL CROWD 

 

And it’s completely ridiculous 

So go and make noise 

If a person says they are giving you 

Your ONLY CHOICE 

 

Remember to give yourself 

Just a little while 

In order to understand 

NEO-CLASSIC Style 

 

And last, but not least 

The worst of this mess 

Is what some describe as an 

ACT OF CONGRESS 

 

And In the End 

Either I will die 

Or my friends will first 

Then all our atoms 

Will get dispersed 

 

And that is what 

It means, my mate 

When they refer to 

Atomic wait 

 

Kevin Ahern is an Oregon State University Professor Emeritus of Biochemistry and Biophysics. In his retirement, he writes verses. 

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