From Bad to Verse: Tom’s Fractured Nose, Special Relativity, Unspied Shadow

Long Sentence 

My grammar, it seems, is rather poor 

I mess up with who, what, and when 

My verbs are wrong. My sentences long. 

So I goof up noun then 

Grade on the Curve 

I’m in a snappy comebacks class 

That is surprisingly hard 

I’m not doing very well in it 

And will get a poor retort card 

Limerick 

With Tom’s fractured nose out of place 

It’s upended his gambling ways 

He’s played his last joker 

There’ll be no more poker 

Because he can’t keep a straight face 

Pulp Friction 

Dear friend, you should know
I’ve joined a cult
And it is purely the result
Of zucchini I planted in spring 

The seeds placed deep down in the ground
Got fertilizer spread around
And then one day,
Up came this thing 

The thing laid leaves
Upon the earth
That seemed to stretch
All the way to Perth 

So green, so long
“What could go wrong?”
I thought
As vines extended 

But now by gosh
Awash with squash
There’s so much more
Than I intended 

There’s squash inside my kitchen
Squash inside our shed
Squash inside the dog house
Squash beside my bed 

I’ve shared it with the neighbors
Who now shun me when I pass
Lookout global warming
If it lets out greenhouse gas 

The problem with this story
Is incredibly low demand
Resulting in more inventory
Than I had ever planned 

Now maybe I am dreamy
And too naive to boot
But I still think zucchini
Has got a horn to toot 

The answer, now
It seems to me
Is creating a snooty
Recipe 

With that in place, this greenie,
Gourd-like garden fruit
Becomes all haute cuisini
And I swim in the loot 

Special Relativity 

Twinkle, twinkle little star 

Sparkling in the night 

Zillions of miles you are afar 

A tiny speck of light 

Habitable planets you may possess 

With beings of high status 

One thing I’d like to know, I guess 

Do they look up or down here at us? 

My Shadow’s Shadow 

My shadow has a shadow 

I most recently have found 

That lies inside the space between 

Itself and the ground 

It’s a very skinny shadow shadow 

That my shadow’s got 

Can you espy my shadow’s shadow? 

I cannot 

Pained in Full 

Our furniture goes back 

To Louis the 15th 

Unless we pay Louis  

On the 14th 

Kevin Ahern is an Oregon State University Professor Emeritus of Biochemistry and Biophysics. In his retirement, he writes verses.