Dear [insert new random roommate’s name here],
I, [sloppily handwrite your name here], vow to:
Never have sex on our shared furniture [ ]
Never lock you out of the room without warning [ ]
Figure out when the next fire drill is so we can conveniently be at the dining hall [ ]
Never write you passive-aggressive notes (if I can’t say it to your face, I won’t say it at all) [ ]
Always invite you to parties I hold in our room, and prepare an exit strategy for facing the RA [ ]
Restock the snacks when I have a bad day and eat all of those cookies that you love – it happens [ ]
Put back that new book or magazine on your bed if I sneak a peek and read it when you’re gone [ ]
Turn off my alarm so it doesn’t ring for half an hour on my locked phone [ ]
Never spoil that show that we’re both watching if you haven’t had a chance to watch it yet [ ]
Only covet your care package from afar, and not actually take anything from it unless you offer [ ]
If I borrow something from your closet, always wash it and never ruin it with that crappy boxed wine you love [ ]
Never snoop through your letters when I pick them up from the mailbox you don’t know how to unlock [ ]
Offer to share anything alcoholic I may drink in our room, if we get punished for it being in our room we might as well enjoy it, am I right? [ ]
Always keep our room relatively clean (and by that I mean just don’t let fruit flies and mold grow in our mini-fridge) – let’s strive for messy, but not gross, and attempt to clean every couple weeks when it gets unbearable [ ]
If I invite friend(s) over, I promise to introduce you to them as the cool roommate even if you look like a slob that day [ ]
If I have an overnight guest, I promise I will tell them to not awkwardly be shirtless or pantsless around the room while you’re there [ ]
I will try to not lock myself out of the room after 10 p.m. (or at least limit it to a few times per term) and call you freaking out [ ]
I promise even if I stay up ridiculously late that I’ll be quiet when I do go to bed (or at least get you a coffee the next morning if I’m not) [ ]
Help you into your bed if you’ve had too much jungle juice, and make sure the RA doesn’t see you [ ]
Let you play the horrible music you like without headphones on sometimes, if you let me do the same [ ]
Try to be the best roommate I can be (except during midterms and finals weeks when I can’t be held accountable for my bad behavior) [ ]
In the case of a violation of this contract or a disagreement we will probably give each other the silent treatment for no reason for about a week and then go to our RA separately until they help us adult [ ]
Signed,
[Your Name Here]
By Madeline Frisk
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